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I’m expecting a call from the Queen at lunchtime

Well to be strictly accurate it will be from the Queen’s Head. I’m meeting Skipper Harrison and some of the lads down there for a celebratory drink. We’re used to late night sittings, so this running the country stuff should be a bit of a doddle.

The first thing we will have to do is choose a cabinet. I know Skipper’s got his eye on a teak one which holds lots of bottles, and where the little light comes on when you open the doors.

We’re planning to make the tough decisions no one else wants to tackle. The first thing that we’ve decided to do is abolish the Treasury. Those guys couldn’t work out which way the wind was blowing during a hurricane. So, time for a change. We are going to replace it with the Department of Professional Economists, or DOPE for short.

If you are interested in the position of Chief Dope you can apply using my bank account details at the end of this message.

We obviously need to get the economy booming again. The way we are going to tackle this is to ensure that the rate of inflation is always higher than the rate of return on savings, ensuring that the real value of savings will continually fall. This will result in individual savers and pension funds liquidating their holdings and pouring billions of pounds into consumption. Of course, it makes even more sense to buy now before prices go up even further. This will raise GDP to well above the EU average and result in a higher tax take.

So, problem solved. We can then concentrate on getting new roofs on our duck houses. This could be used as work experience for the unemployed.

Our policies will then result in higher consumption, increased GDP, soaring government revenues and lower unemployment. I think we deserve that other drink now. It’s easy when you are a real economist.

Unfortunately, in the make-believe world of politics things will probably be very different. Everyone is talking about a hung parliament and a coalition government. My guess is that the Liberal Democrats and Labour will get together to form a new party called Libor to run the country. They will rely totally on borrowing from investment banks with Golden Sacks and Lemming Brothers being the main contributors. This way to the edge of the cliff, everybody.

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Posted in economic growth, Fiscal stimulus, government borrowing, Gross National Income, Inflation, Interest rates, savings, unemployment

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